Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
