After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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