About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
