My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize