Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
