I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
