Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
