Just fell off a train. Bad.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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