We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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