Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
