remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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