wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
