You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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