I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
