i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
