dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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