You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
