Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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