I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
