Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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