dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
