btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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