It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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