Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
