it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize