update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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