I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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