I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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