Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
