So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize