You're so nebulous sometimes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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