just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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