If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
