Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
