i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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