I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
