Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize