guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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