we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
