Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
