I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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