so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
