I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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