Got a toothbrush?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
