I smell stomach acid.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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