I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
