Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
MIDGETS
????
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
