In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
