Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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