Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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