so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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