happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
