Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
