im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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