they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize