I think im going to throw up on grandma
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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