i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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