The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
