why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this just has baby written all over it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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