so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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