Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
