If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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