Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
