you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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