ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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