Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
