worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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