She went from zero to smokin in five shots
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
