she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
