you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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